Saturday, March 24, 2007

Again With the Dog!!!

Good evening again, everyone. Before I got rolling on all my NASCAR stuff, I thought I'd warm up by dashing off a quick one about George Noory's more recent dog food commercials. I haven't been listening closely or often enough recently to tell for sure whether he's taped a new batch of them for this week, or if he's written new commercials for himself to read on air live and then just ad-libs on the a little bit.

But a couple of the more recent ones have some new, dumb shit I hadn't heard before. For instance in a couple of the commercials from last night he brought up that he had recently found out that dogs had evolved from wolves. He acted incredulous as he informed the audience of this fact, the fact that our modern-day, domestic dogs had wolves as their ancestors, and he seemed to be on the up-and-up about not having known that before.

Despite his claim that he originally wanted to go into acting, Noory is a horrible actor Witness his attempts at playing at portraying the character of "future" radio broadcaster Dexter Monterey, or trying to do impressions of other actors who are really acting. Or even him trying to act convincing while reading the lame words provided for him by other advertisers and their products such as Tahiti Village and whatever it is he has his "bawdle" of. He's horrible.

But when he gasped at the fact that dogs evolved from wolves, he actually seemed sincerely surprised. And he's so fucking stupid and unaware of the world around him, that I have no problem at all believing he didn't know this. Well, almost "no problem". I mean, as fucking STOOOOOOOOOO-PID as he is, it really is amazing that that's something he's never so much as given a thought to. Being a self-proclaimed "dog lover" and all. Seein's how in the past Noory has claimed to know a lot about all manner of dog breeds, and a great lover of animals in general. And having thought so very highly of Steve Irwin, you'd think he might have picked up on the wolf/dog thing from watching one of Irwin's hundreds of television programs.

(At this point I'm taking time to laugh out loud, because of any of you ever heard Noory's original interview with Irwin, it was blatently obvious that Noory had never heard of him, and was clutching desperately at straws to think of something -- anything to ask Irwin. He seemed like he had caught maybe 15 minutes of a Crocodile Stalker episode shortly before his interview -- only because someone on his staff gave it to him so he would be "prepared" for the "interview". Which was terribly, horribly painful to listen to, because I was just mortified and embarrassed for Irwin, who was trying his best to carry the interview by himself. He seemed like he realized early on that he was speaking to the one person on the planet (other than a handful of Bushmen) who had no idea who The Crocodile Stalker was.)

When he first took over the Coast to Coast, Noory tried desperately to connect with Art Bell's fans and be "part of the gang". So he claimed to love cats - just LOVED him some pussy(sic), and also claimed to have loved animals all his life. However whenever he spoke about animals it became clear he knew virtually nothing about them, and even though he had once owned a black lab, he never seemed like an animal person. I might add that in the last year or so Noory has made some off the cuff comments that imply that he doesn't really like cats much at all. The other night he told his listeners that if they had a cat who was "listening" to the radio while he was on, and had the audacity to be sleeping through his who, that their owner should " kick the cat off of the bed and on the the floor!". He then gave a rather vicious laugh which I found very disturbing. He really seemed to be deriving pleasure from the thought of a cat being hurt. And is his recent wont, he then added, "Kidding! I'm kidding!", but even then his tone was very insincere. He's a sick fuck.

Noory's personality is not that of an animal lover. People who love animals - truly love animals-- tend to be on the selfless and compassionate side. They also tend to have great senses of humor and loving dispositions prone to uncontrollable displays of public affection for anything that touches their hearts. They also tend to be behaviorists, and have a natural proclivity for studying and paying attention to people, animals, plants and things around them in order to better understand them. And they have a natural empathy for all living things.

In other words, the antithesis of the outrageously Egotistical George Noory. Unless it's about Him, a person or animal would be hard pressed to be able to keep his attention for any length of time. In many ways Noory is like an
  • Asperger Kid
  • . Some of Noory's fans may poo-poo my allegations by reminding us that he's really into his family and his kids, and he's such a great dad and granddaddy that he insists on spending several months of the year broadcasting from the city of St. Louis, in order to spend more time with his family who lives there.

    Look. The ONLY reason he's so into his kids is because they are HIS kids. Meaning that they contain HIS almighty DNA, and are things that HE made and produced. They are just other version of HIMSELF , the only person in the world who he's really, truly enamored of or interested in.

    You're now thinking to yourself, "Jesus Christ, Dixie!! are you EVER going to get to the point??".

    Ooops. Yeah, sorry. So Noory was amazed that dogs evolved from wolves. He then added, before going into the actual commercial, that, "My dog Casey is not a wolf. She's a Golden Retriever. And a darned neat one, too."

    "Neat." That's great. Spoken like a true dog lover. "Darned neat." It struck me he was like a cross between Wally Cleaver and Jeffrey Daumer. And for those of you who still insist he's full of love, life and compassion, and I'm wrong about why he's so into his family? Well, where is that compassion when he leaves that "neat little dog" all alone in St. Louis for the other 8 months a year? What the fuck is that?

    The ONLY reason he EVER got interested in dogs at all - at least enough so to where he'd actually choose to be around them in a peripheral fashion- was when Purina One became a sponsor, and he felt the need to "seem credible" to the people he was pitching the product too. Well, one thing led to another, as he claimed to acquire one dog after the next, each time implying (at first, at least), that they were his animals, only to reveal later that he either gave them away, or had bought them for someone else, or what have you. Each one was nothing more than a prop to him. These dogs are all fucking props. Tools. Means to an end. And eventually, after having revealed he wasn't really a dog owner, time after time after time, he FINALLY had to break down and get a legitimate dog of his own - to seem credible.

    Meanwhile this poor animal goes for months at a time without seeing it's owner. Frankly, I'd feel more sorry for anybody or any animals who actually HAD to spend a lot of time with Noory, but that's beside the point. All pets, and dogs in particular, need a great deal of interaction with their humans in order to stay psychologically fit. Noory is ruining this poor dog's life just so he can sell a couple more bags of fucking dog food.

    He ought to be shot. Fucking prick. We all ought to write letters to Purina and tell them we don't appreciate their company for allowing one of their representatives to knowingly abuse an animal in order to sell their dog food. George Noory doesn't have enough empathy to keep a fucking gold fish mentally healthy.

    So there's you "quick one". Shit, man. Do I go on or what????? . I am so, so sorry for harping on this dog thing so much, but being a genuine animal lover, it really drives me insane. Just up the damn wall.

    Since most of the commercials Noory does don't show up on the Streamlink playbacks (except for his stupid fucking book), we can't go back & fact check all the lies and fabrications he's come up with on all the dog business, not to mention other ad campaigns It's a tad late now, but still not too late to start taping them on a cassette, I suppose. I dunno if it's worth the effort, But if any of y'all happen to hear a good 'ern, do Dix a favor & jot it down to share with the rest of us in the comments sections, wouldja? Thanks, all!
  • "Hillbilly Psychic Angela Moore" -or-"Blame the ET's for Coast to Coast!"

    Sorry for any typos or weird grammar - like Noory, I'm only half-paying attention. Typing during commercials, and 1/2 listening to Coast while I type a few things. Just like Georgie Boy! Ha haaaa! I apologize, that's not nice to treat y'all that way. :) I'm sleepy!


    So tonight's show.

    He has self-proclaimed "Hillbilly Psychic", Angela Moore on, and she's a real gem, but he's being his usual idiotic self. She's down in North Cackalackey (that's Carolina to you Northern folks...) somewhere, and has an absolutely wonderful accent - so pleasant to the ear, very bright and pleasant, and quite pronounced. She even said "I swannee" once, which delighted me. That's more a phrase that older folks use, you don't generally hear younger people say it unless they are waaaaaaay Southern.

    I can't help but think, knowing how Noory's mind works, --or doesn't work, depending on how you look at it -- that Noory perceives himself as smarter than, or somehow superior to her because of her manner of speaking. He has often taken a superior, uppity attitude with callers who have had pronounced Southern accents. And it's very common for lots and lots of people who weren't born Southern or spent any length of time in The South to allow themselves to stereotype Southern folks. It's just human nature, Southern folks do the same thing with Northerners, Californians, etc., etc. Hell, I stereotyped Hollyweirdians not two mintues ago, so? There ya go.

    But Noory is exactly the type of small minded person, and so egotistical, that he wouldn't be able to reign himself in. Wouldn't even realize he was doing it. So even though Angela is off the air now, and Noory was superficially pleasant to her, I still got the feeling he didn't take her seriously at all. There were several times when he'd interrupt to ask a question that she'd already given the answer to. Even though he didn't flagrantly patronize her, as he does some Southern people, you could tell he was a million miles away. Which was a shame, because she was utterly charming, well spoken, and I found her absolutely credible. And I rarely feel that way about psychics he has on. Almost never. I think a great many of them "have a little something", but I believe everyone has a little something.

    Here's an interesting tidbit, though. Once she started taking calls, she was reading people over the phone, telling them what kind of spirits they might have around them - if any- and / or what kind of vibe, for lack of a better word, she got from that person. She came off as sincere, too - not like how that fuckin' asshole Sylvia Browne does, or Evelyn Paglini, or their ilk. So after spirit-riddled caller had just been hung up on, Angela quickly interjected to George that, "Oh, by the way!", she has strongly sensed all kinds of alien "stuff" all over him the entire time she's been speaking to him, and she's absolutely convinced that he's had some kind of alien experiences.

    (For those of you with Streamlink who want to search for this audiio, it was around 2:46am) - - Noory was quick to claim he's been in a "groove" ever since he was a kid, "My entire lie has been driven..." by some unknown force, blah, blah, blah...

    She says ever since she started talking to him she felt it, & she sensed it really strongly that he had all kinds of alien "stuff" - almost implying that they were crawling all over him as they spoke. Seriously, the way she spoke, it seemed like she could see him with alien "bugs" crawling all over him. She instructed him to somehow try to search within himself to try to find some clues that might help him figure it all out. I sensed that she was trying really hard to encourage him to get to the bottom of it just so she'd know what it was, as she seemed to find it very curious & intriguing. Not at all like she was pandering to him or trying to pump him up the way Sylvia Browne & other so-called psychics do with him. You know what I mean, how they tell him he was this, that or the other important person in the past or the future. The King of Atlantis or the hottest DJ in The Universe in the year 2525. Or that he's "an old soul" who is a "sage and a shaman who has lived many lives."

    None of that horseshit. More like, "Ew! Dude! Did you know you have Cooties?! What's up with that?!"

    Now that statement she made was both a blessing and a curse. The good thing is that the One Thing we've never heard George claim to have done is have an experience with an ET. He has stated that he's never seen a UFO, but he really wants to, so many HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of times on the air, that even he was smart enough to know he couldn't make up some kind of a lie and get away with it this time. The best he could do was say he had some kind of "groove on" with The Universe.

    THE CURSE is coming. All George needs is one night to sleep on it to come up with a zillion fabrications that will make what Angela said seem true. Only with his spin on it. So it's gonna suck to have to hear all his crazy lies about how The Space Aliens have orchestrated his entire life in order for him to be where he is to deliver Their Message to the entire Planet Earth, thereby Saving the World. That as a wee child, the ET's recognized him as The Chosen One. The Savior. The Great (off) White Hope.

    Gag a maggot, I can hear it all now.

    Now the funny thing is, as soon as Angela started talking about the aliens having some kind of serious contact with him, I thought to myself, "Well maybe they really did! Other than Satan himself intervening, I can't think of any other explanation as to why such a talentless waste of space could possibly have risen to the professional level he is at right now." Somebody, and only something SUPERHUMAN could accomplish such a feat.

    And Noory's immediate reply to Ms. Moore actually made me think that - at least right at that moment - that he himself believed that that could be the case. Of course, he didn't go at it from the angle that I did - he seemed to be going more in the direction of maybe the ETs recognized something special in him.

    Mark my words, we haven't heard the last of this mess. Sorry to say.

    Lord, peopleses. I've been running my mouth during commercials during this whole show. I was gonna shut it down at 2am, but Angela Moore sucked me in, then i got to typing at y'all, and now there's only a half hour left, so I may as well keep on. Who knows when I'll make it back.

    Next up: That poor little puppy.

    Random Musings on the First Part of Friday's "Ohmpen Lines"

    Man. Noory is - .... tonight's show is slipshod, as usual, but even in the first 40 minutes or so -especially before the guest came on- there have been some extra special "moments".

    For one thing, somebody keeps cranking the reverb - almost as if the engineer is doing it just to fuck with Noory's head. It'll come in for 5-20 seconds or so, then go back to normal - but it's super cavernous. It's not my radio, and it's not my ears playing tricks, cuz Cecil heard it on the radio in the other room. Noory didn't comment on it, which is odd, since usually the tiniest of audio changes or slip-ups bugs him so much he's compelled to comment on it.

    Also when Noory was reading one of his regular "nutritional/medical supplement" commercials -- I can't remember which one it was for -- he started it out the way he normally does, in a fakey, casual manner, trying to ad-lib a bit as he was reading the regular copy and information. You know what I mean, right? Trying to "personalize it" a little bit to make us think he's just chatting with us? Well! A sentence or so into it, he quit ad-libbing and began reading more quickly, then faster and faster and faster. So much so that he was nearly tripping over words. I don't mean the way he normally mispronounces or stumbles over words, this was like his mind was actually a couple of steps ahead of his mouth for the first time in his life and he didn't know what to do with himself. So much so that you could hear him getting audibly nervous, even pausing for a super-brief moment to fearfully gasp. I started laughing it was so funny, it was like a nerve wracking episode of I Love Lucy where she got stuck on an assembly-line that had been sped up.

    All of this is especially funny because just last night, at approximately 3:09 Eastern Time, he proudly proclaimed to a caller that "I normally have my act together in EVERYTHING I do." And he did not say it tongue in cheek - he totally believed that statement the moment he said it. (Then he went on to tell how he was trying to put diesel fuel into his gasoline guzzling SUV.) So anyhoo, it was a good laugh, and I wondered if maybe someone in the studio was just in the mood to fuck with him tonight / this morning. Maybe tricking him into thinking that he was behind schedule and needed to "beat the clock" to get the commercial spit out on time.

    But then, yanno, just now, I thought about how people act when they've just done a line (or something) of coke, and how they act when it kicks in. It seems to happen in just a split second's time - one moment they're normal, then it's like somebody flips a switch and "Instant Motor Mouth!". In one way I can't imagine Noory doing coke. Or smoking pot - which some people have theorized is part of the reason why he talks, thinks and acts like such a dipshit. On the other hand, he is in the entertainment business, where that shit is so common place, even among entertainers you would NEVER, EVER suspect. Gospel singers, and "family bluegrass bands" and such. So why not Noory? He's so enamored of the word "dabble" (ergh! I HATE that word, it just made me literally cringe just thinking and typing it...) , and he's confessing to dabbling in a variety of activities, so why would "expuhrimenting" with drugs be out of the question? Especially since he is SOOOOOOOO enamored of all things Hollywood, and he desperately wants to seem hip and cool soooooooo badly; and he is so simple-minded, not to mention afflicted with a terminal case of arrested development, that I could see him "doing a bump" if some cool guy in the studio offered him one. Maybe under the pretense of "Hey, it's just a little one, and it'll help that back pain of yours! It's not very much at all, you won't even feel it!", or some such thing.

    I dunno. Just kooky speculation and fantasizing. No concrete evidence. Lobbing shit over the wall. Letting my mind wander. Hard telling what people might get up to. But the thought of him doing drugs led to another thought I had when I was reading his book last fall, and it was about an "near death episode" he claimed to have had.

    Now, we all know that Noory makes up all kinds of shit regarding paranormal experiences he may have had. Although he does that with everything else, too, so WTF, Australia? He's mentioned this "death" episode of his on the air before, too, and maybe in a print interview or chat somewhere, I don't recall for sure, but I've heard him allude to it several times. Each time he mentions it, it's only brief enough to let people know he's been "clinically dead" before, and that's about as far as he's willing to go.

    I should add that once on Coast he even elaborated enough to "confess" that it was only for a split second. He said he was just dead for a split second. So I guess he sneezed or something, I dunno.... But how big of a boob and a jackass do you have to be to think that being "dead" for 1/10th of a second counts as even so much as a Near Death Experience, let alone having "come back from the dead"? What a fucking moron!!)

    Why did I bring that up? I'll tell you. I think it mighta been in his book, but in one of the sources I got the impression that his "death experience" was around the time he and one of his wives lived in St. Louis and it was in their home (maybe), and around the time he had his own production company. I can't recall why all this struck me this way, or exact words - I could be totally off base, just one of the impressions I got, submitted for your considerations. The one concrete thing I do know is that he has clearly stated more than once that is is something he does not speak of, and does not want to give any more details about, and that it was a part of his life he didn't care to revisit.

    Do what you will with that. I know what it sounds like to me. There are at least two places that I know most of you will take it, if only to entertain for a moment.

    Friday, March 23, 2007

    George Noory is a Kind, Altruistic, Selfless Wonderful Human Being.


    As if. Just wanted to get your attentions.

    No worries, I just felt the need to tell a really, really big lie. I don't know what came over me. Maybe I got possessed by Noory for a second.

    Eeee-yuuu. Isn't that an icky thought? If that ever happened to me, not only would I demand to be bathed in lye, I'd also need to be turned inside out and hosed down. Either that or some kind of full body internal douche with a very heavy-duty grease cutter in it.

    Sorry I been layin' down on y'all for so long - I've been having a blast doing NASCAR related stuff, which includes listening to our new Sirius radio during most all of the waking hours. So I haven't been listening to the lying cocksucker much at all. Although I'm about1/2 listening right now.

    Here's some food for thought- a couple nights or so ago, while hawking their new "campaign" for the Christian Children's Fund, he said they'd give away a free copy of "Worker in the Light" to the first 350 people who committed to sponsoring a kid.

    I think it might have been Tuesday night that he said that - it was earlier this week for sure, though.

    So. Mr. "My Book is Selling Like Hotcakes!!!" , you know the one that is still on the initial pressing of 17,000? Well, that's ONE of the figures he tossed out - I believe he's contradicted himself on that at least once, but I'd have to check my notes...

    BUT!! Mr. "Hurry up and buy my book now! There's only a few left!!" , and then Mr. "Hurry up and buy my book there's only a couple thousand left!" , etc. , etc. , etc.

    Mr. "I can't handle The Truth because I wouldn't know it if it kicked me in my tiny, shrivelled, hairy, Middle-Eastern balls" is once again TRYING to give his book away.

    Trying to give it away. As an enticement. You know what I think is really funny? I can't remember where I heard or read it, but during the last campaign, one lady sponsored a CCF kid through the Coast to Coast campaign, but wrote a note to Noory or whoever and told them "Thanks, but no thanks."

    Okay, that's all I want to think about right now - I know I should be doing a better job of keeping track of all that asshole's lies and misrepresentations and all, but I don't wanna ruin the good mood I'm in! (Big Grin!)

    Plus comedian Billy Connelly is gonna be on Craig Ferguson's t.v. show in a little while, and I love Billy Connelly.

    But y'all, please, please, feel free to use the "comments" sections here to post and take note of, times, dates and all, of all the bullshit that Fucktard is spewing!

    I love all y'all's company, I truly do, but I neglected my NASCAR buds all winter, so .... yanno....

    And for those of you who think NASCAR fans are a bunch of toothless, illiterate idiots? Sure, you get a few of those almost anywhere you go. A FEW . I'm sure Noory and his posse of California Clowns think that we're all a buncha dummies, not worthy of the profundities that spill from his lips every night.

    But I'm here to testify, the stupidest of all the stupidest NASCAR fans are still fucking brain surgeons compared to Noory. And "my crew" consists of a wide variety of folks, all of whom can run intellectual rings around ol' Dixie Butcher. People who have full blown college degree that they actually earned themselves and didn't have their 19 year old, pregnant wives doing their homework for them. (!!!) Even got a couple of bonafide Professors in there.

    Okay folks - green flag is waving, gotta run! Love all y'all!


    Saturday, March 03, 2007

    Coast to Coast Drinking Game

    Well this should be fun for those of you who drink, or need an excuse to. Tonights "ohmpen lines" topic is "encounters with the Grim Reaper".

    So far Noory has said, "Grim Reaker" twice without correcting himself. I guess that's to make up for his Laser Shield commercial that's been running uncorrected for months now where he says "reap havoc". Lord he's simple.

    So if any of you want to, take a drink every time Noory says "reaker" instead of "reaper". You should be loaded for bear in a couple of hours. Noory also said, when describing the archetypal "Grim Reaper" figure that he carries "a sickle looking thing".

    Yes he does, George. That would be a sickle.

    Agent K. privately pointed out a couple of things worth noting & I thought I'd share.

    On last night's show, guest Christopher Moon was talking about actually being choked and physically attacked by a ghost- the story was shaping up in grand fashion, and then Noory interrupted Moon - as he did many times throughout the show- to recite the words to the Lizzie Borden song, which he was obviously reading, and he seemed unfamiliar with it and the whole Lizzie Borden saga. So Dipshit was doing what he always does, Googling away as his guest speaks, trying to figure out what they're talking about. Totally derailed a good and important story because he's a jackass and paying no attention. He has the mentality of an 8 year old boy.

    Also K. noted that when Ian Punnett phoned in tonight, Noory had him "use up" all of his "promo time" by sidetracking him with giving him (Ian) a hard time about Red Elk, then wouldn't allow Ian an extra minute or two to plug his show. Which I don't need to remind you is also a Coast show, so they should allow Ian as much time as he wants.

    When Ian charmingly made a ploy for Noory to cut him some slack because it is his birthday, he was met with silence.

    As Agent K pointed out, apparently nobody had written down an appropriate response to such a statement, like, say, Happy Birthday, Ian!! .

    Noory is truly an self-centered ass of the highest order.

    post script: Noory mentioned that there were about 1300 people in attendance at the little show they had in Houston tonight. You know the one - the Sean Hannity "Hannitization of America" rally, featuring Sean Hannity? Of course, Noory didn't mention Hannity, he led the audience to believe it was all for him.

    He can't even get his 10 million "fans" to buy his book for $16.00 a pop - why in the world would he think any of these people would pay between $20.00 and $45.00 for a ticket to see him "ohmpen up" for Sean Hannity?

    Friday, March 02, 2007

    All His Exes Live In.... Sherman Oaks???!!!

    ......and on to another subject: In his Coast to Coast Streamlink Chat from February 13, he revealed to us that he was married to his high school sweetheart in 1970, and they were married for 17 years. So the nice Catholic Boy divorced her in 1987, it looks like. In 1988 he says he married a lovely woman named Lisa, who he then divorced in 1988. That's what he said. Married and divorced in the same year. It might have been a typo on his part, he mighta meant 1998.

    That would make a little more sense, since in his interview with Whitley, I believe it was, he said that he had to go back to at radio station KTRS in St. Louis after he and his wife realized they were running out of money after his self-owned "production company" went belly up. But maybe he did mean 1988. In which case the above story would be a lie.

    If it was 1998, however, it brings about this possible scenario: So old Georgie boy left his previous radio career to start his own production company, which almost undoubtedly was a rinky-dink operation that probably did nothing more spectacular than cheap sleazy local t.v. commercials for used-car lots and other local businesses too cheap or small to afford a proper commercial.

    So the business tanks and Noory is out of work for how long? I don't think he mentioned that, but it's funny that it never dawned on him that eventually he was gonna run out of cash to pay bills. Or that his wife wasn't aware of their dwindling funds sooner than that. We already know that Noory tried to keep his switching of his major in college a secret from his father for as long as possible before he told him. (Actually, he didn't ever "tell" his dad, he waited for his grades to come in the mail and his dad found out that Georgie boy switched from Pre-Dent to Broadcasting when he saw the class listings on the report card.) So maybe Noory was also trying to keep their dwindling savings from his wife for as long as possible, too. ( IF he was even married at the time....)

    Alright then, so "they're" going broke, so Noory goes back to the station he used to work at and begs for a job. Not how he worded it, but he told whoever was interviewing him that they gave him a part-time night shift. He didn't start out with his Night Hawk schtick right off the bat. And he wasn't even remotely "famous" at the time, so he had to be getting paid what any late night broadcaster gets paid, which is about doodley-squat.

    Part-time Doodley Squat, I might add. Certainly not enough to pay the bills for him and his "wife?". If they were divorced in 1998 rather than 1988, maybe it wasn't because of his weird, late night hours, as he claims, but because his wife was sick and tired of his fiscal irresponsibility. I don't know if Premiere Radio and Coast paid for his move out to California or not- but if you think about it, he must have been about plumb broke when he got signed full-time to Coast, which may explain why it appears that his 2cd ex-wife, Lisa, might have had to co-sign on his apartment or condo or whatever he has out there.

    I received this very interesting email from someone on June 13, 2006, while I was gathering questions for my radio interview with George Noory:

    "One other thing, I found George listed on a genealogy site I subscribe to with addresses both in Sherman Oaks and in St. Louis. The thing is, they list a Lisa Noory, age 41 as living with him in Sherman Oaks. I know he says he's not married, but was at least once. This Lisa would be about 15 years younger than him. Sounds a lot like a second wife to me. But he said very recently on a show that he wasn't married. He has at least one daughter, but she can't be 41! I don't remember her name. "

    How 'bout them apples? I wonder why it's only been recently that he's even mentioned a second wife, don't you? Up until now, he's definitely made it seem as if it was just the first wife. On his Wikipedia entry there's only the one wife mentioned, and he's done nothing to dispell that notion. And I know he & Lex (or somebody) must read that entry at least once a day in order to do "damage control", as people are often getting on there and changing some of the text to say rude things about him.

    Brief aside - how about Noory the other night, asking a caller if her father was Native American after she had stated at the beginning of her call that he was a Crow Indian. Cecil said you could practically hear him reading various message boards and fan mail on the computer during all the "ohmpen lines" calls that night.

    Just a thought: If Noory believes there are no coincidences, and that Fate has everything planned out for us, why does he bother doing mass conciousness expuhrments or carrying a number 8 in his pocket? And if the number 8 is so all-fired, sure thing lucky, why doesn't Dale Earnhardt Jr. win every race?

    What's up with: Noory's latest obsession, that he is constantly trying to arrange while he's on the air, with interviewing people in prison? In his recent chat he said he wants to interview Sirhan Sirhan, elsewhere he's mentioned the BTK Killer and Mark David Chapman and I'm pretty sure Manuel Noriega. He's like a poor man's Geraldo Rivera. Which is about like saying he's the sleaziest scumbag of all sleazy scumbags.

    Parting notes: It's not nice to call a person a liar, but after the Dimitri the Devil Channeler fiasco, Noory claimed that they would never have "that guy" on the air again. And now they've gone out of their way to schedule him for an hour "debate" with Sub-Genius Fundamentalist Pretender, J.C. -- who Noory insisted in his most recent chat,

    In that chat he also stated that his "dream cars" would be Mercedes, Escalades and Jaguars.

    When asked if he was into amateur radio like Art, he said, "No.", even though when he started out on Coast he claimed he had "always been fascinated by" HAM radio and intended to get himself a set up once he got settled in LA.

    When asked if he ever took cruises, he said, "I cruise to the Carribean."

    When asked if he liked ZZ Top, he replied "Love the show and admire Billy Gibbons." , even though Noory said he'd never seen the band live when Billy Gibbons was on the air with him.

    When asked if J.C. was the real deal, Noory said that he was afraid he was. I realize that there are still quite a few simple people out there who insist on believing J.C. is not a prankster and / or a character, but a lot of the folks who still are on the fence have been told repeatedly that he's a member of the Church of the Sub-Genius, and Noory has even had another Sub-G. minister named Chuck Roast call in and verify that J.C. is "one of theirs", and they still insist on "wondering" if J.C. is for real or not. I don't know what to say about that kind of stupidity. BUT, it should go without saying that by now even Noory HAS to know he's play-acting - yet he still insists about lying and pretending he's the real dea.. Just as he lies about Dimitri the Devil Channeler being the real deal. Even after Noory confessed on the air that they had deliberately tampered with his voice.

    Somebody asked him what the largest turn out was at his book signings and his reply was that they all were "huge". Oh yeah? Huge compared to what? Certainly not to Art Bell's book signings, where the joints were packed and people lined up around the the block.

    Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment

    Let's see if I can lob a few random observations over the wall without getting too talky and obsessing on one subject...

    First of all, me 'n' Agent K have decided we'd like to hook Noory up to an electric shock machine during his shows. Anytime he mispronounces a word, makes a grammatical error or uses the wrong word, misuses the word 'synchronicity', says he doesn't believe in coincidences, employs a Malapropism, slurps, says something that contradicts what he's told us in the past - especially pertaining to personal affairs - , asks a guest or caller a question they have already supplied an answer to, talks about going out to dinner, or says something that he is obviously just making up on the spot, he gets a low-voltage shock.

    Wouldn't that be fun?! Nothing serious - just enough to make him very uncomfortable for a few seconds. Maybe piss himself the first time - that'd be cool. He tortures us on a nightly basis, I see no reason why we shouldn't return the favor.

    I think we should also extend the list of offenses to anytime he uses his beloved crutch words & phrases, (feel free to ad to the list, I know I'm forgetting lots of them....) such as "strange", "simply", "I gotta tell ya", "basically", "'preciate you participating in the program", "I've always been fascinated by...", "merely", "I love it", "Ghost", "2012", etc.

    He should also get a shock anytime he talks about "his" dogs. God dammit it sickens me to talk about these dogs. Whenever he does the Purina One commercials, he ad-libs about these damn dogs he gives free food to and talks about them as if he's some kind of dog lover and knows something about dogs. Often he'll vaguely qualify what sort of relationship he really has with these animals, but last night he flat out claimed that he has three dogs. "I have three dogs, blah, blah, blah- all of them in St.Louis...." Even the dog that is "his" isn't his. Somebody else takes care of it for the 3/4 of the year that he lives in California.

    Now I ask you, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT, and WHY would anyone want a dog when they see it and live with it for three months a year, and the rest of the time it's kept in a cage in his house in St. Louis, where somebody comes and feeds and walks it a couple times a day. Actually I don't know if he still keeps this dog - a yellow lab puppy - in a cage anymore, but he did for awhile. I assume because he didn't want it peeing on the rug and chewing up the furniture in his absence. He had somebody take the dog to obedience classes recently, so it may be all housebroken now. He says she's more well behaved. But what the fuck, man??!!! Puppies need to interact and to play with their people and to bond. Not to be left alone, or even with strangers, 3/4 of their lives.

    I'll tell ya why Noory has this dog, and claims these other two dogs are his: It's because he knows a lot of his audience are animal lovers and he's trying to play to the crowd. He knew coming into the show that most of Art's fans loved to hear about his cats, most of them were strays he took in, and they also loved Art's interest and compassion for animals in general. When George came aboard C2C, he tried like hell to convince the audience he was an animal lover, but he didn't have me fooled for one second. It's been clear from the beginning that he doesn't know shit about dogs, and his knowledge has increased very little even since he has actually owned a dog of his own. And that's about all he does is "own" it. No real dog lover would do their dog the way he does his poor little puppy. Lord I feel so sorry for her. He talks about how she about wags her tail right off when he comes home to St. Louis, and thinks it's because she loves him. Bless her heart, she probably does, too, just because that's how dogs are. But she's likely wagging her tail more because she's just glad to see somebody, and she knows when she sees Noory that at least there will be one person hanging around full time for any length of time. If he really loved her that much, he should at least take her back and forth to LA with him now and then.

    By the way, for those of you who don't know, one of "his" dogs is a gift he gave to a friend, but since he gives his friend free Purina One dog food that he gets for free from his sponsor, apparently that makes it HIS DOG, even though somebody else loves it & cares for it in their home 24/7/365; and the other dog is a stray that he & somebody found and later found a home for... and I'd be willing to bet you that Noory never cared for the dog in his own home for any length of time, and probably made no effort to find it a new home other than to mention on the air that "he" took in a stray dog out of the kindness of his heart.

    Bottom line is, I think it's fucking sick that he is such a selfish, self-serving bastard that he'd use this poor animal the way he does, just to garner favor from the animal lovers in his audience, and in order to have a prop to use while he's doing commercials for Purina One. I imagine when they stop sponsoring the show he'll just give the damn dog away. Seriously, a real animal lover who has the kind of schedule and lifestyle that he does would never even consider owning an animal, let alone a fucking dog. A cat might fare a little better in the deal, but even cats need attention. And it goes without saying that dogs require loads and loads of time with their owners. George Noory is just a clueless, selfish prick.

    God He's Gross... a Random Rant while Listening to The Everlasting Gob-Smacker

    Every fucking guest he has on. It's the fucking movies. Tonight's guest, who has this talking to the dead machine that he feels may some day be able to be used in court to summon the spirit of the deceased - say a murder victim - to testify against their murderers in court.

    First thing Noory says is, "Can you imagine them making a movie out of this?? I can!!" Now he's running through the whole movie plot out loud on the air, "I see a Hollywood movie out of this!!"

    Jesus Christ he is about a tacky piece of shit, isn't he? He gets these incredibly interesting guests on the air who do the seemingly impossible IN REAL LIFE, and all Noory can do is put it into the context of a movie, slurping away like a rabid fucking dog, salivating over the prospect of "the money to be made" - as I'm sure he imagines himself the producer and star of these ideas.

    Everything is a movie to him - or a t.v. show - when a guest comes on, Noory has to relate their subject to a t.v. show or movie he's already seen, or do this new "thing" of his, coming up with great screenplay ideas on the air. While ignoring his guest, who is actually doing things in the real, physical world.

    Art warned about him going to Hollywood. I don't really think Hollywood changed Noory, I think he was always a shallow, opportunistic bottom feeder with a low IQ -and therefor perfectly suited to Hollywood. I fucking hate him, I really do. He just gets worse and worse by the day. More detached, more living in his own little ego-centric world.

    What in the hell is wrong with him that he can't relate to the real world on any level? From the beginning it's been him equating any given guest's topic to a Twilight Zone episode, maybe an occassional Star Trek - and then for a time, the ubiquitous (and horrible) Eyes Wide Shut, whose sketchy theme was about sexual obsession, but somehow Noory thought it related to damn near every topid he discussed on Coast to Coast.

    And now, in the last year, he's constantly trying to make movies while he's on the air, while ignoring his guests. When he's not busy engaging his guests into helping him plot and plan out the logistics of future shows that may or may not include them.

    That's right, he'll just stand there in front of his microphone, thinking aloud about what kind of shows he can plan for the future.

    And lord help us if he sees a movie star in a restaurant - how embarrassing is it to listen to him go on and on about how he and / or Tommy sees somebody when they've gone out to eat - which, by the way, I think they do for every single meal for no other reason that they're HOPING they'll spot some movie stars. Their latest victim is Patrick Swayze. Poor guy - I never thought I'd feel sorry for him, but I sure do.

    Noory can't shut up about how they've asked him to be on Coast to discuss the 17 year old movie which Noory uses as a reference point for all things paranormal. Jesus Christ, if I had a nickel for every time he brought up the movie Ghost , I'd be stinkin' rich. I suppose if you wanted to make excuses for Noory, piece of shit that he is, you could justify his constant referrals to movie and television by saying that he has to resort to that since he has no personal experience with it whatsoever, and is also incapable of reading a book about anything, so.... it's all he's got.

    He must have had some kind of fucked up, sheltered, miserable childhood to become the guy he is. He has zero social skills and seems to dwell in some kind of fantasy world of his own creation. I'd like to feel sorry for him, but he's such a schill, a schyster, and a creep that I cannot.

    He's horrible. Just horrible.