Again With the Dog!!!

Good evening again, everyone. Before I got rolling on all my NASCAR stuff, I thought I'd warm up by dashing off a quick one about George Noory's more recent dog food commercials. I haven't been listening closely or often enough recently to tell for sure whether he's taped a new batch of them for this week, or if he's written new commercials for himself to read on air live and then just ad-libs on the a little bit.


But a couple of the more recent ones have some new, dumb shit I hadn't heard before. For instance in a couple of the commercials from last night he brought up that he had recently found out that dogs had evolved from wolves. He acted incredulous as he informed the audience of this fact, the fact that our modern-day, domestic dogs had wolves as their ancestors, and he seemed to be on the up-and-up about not having known that before.

Despite his claim that he originally wanted to go into acting, Noory is a horrible actor Witness his attempts at playing at portraying the character of "future" radio broadcaster Dexter Monterey, or trying to do impressions of other actors who are really acting. Or even him trying to act convincing while reading the lame words provided for him by other advertisers and their products such as Tahiti Village and whatever it is he has his "bawdle" of. He's horrible.

But when he gasped at the fact that dogs evolved from wolves, he actually seemed sincerely surprised. And he's so fucking stupid and unaware of the world around him, that I have no problem at all believing he didn't know this. Well, almost "no problem". I mean, as fucking STOOOOOOOOOO-PID as he is, it really is amazing that that's something he's never so much as given a thought to. Being a self-proclaimed "dog lover" and all. Seein's how in the past Noory has claimed to know a lot about all manner of dog breeds, and a great lover of animals in general. And having thought so very highly of Steve Irwin, you'd think he might have picked up on the wolf/dog thing from watching one of Irwin's hundreds of television programs.

(At this point I'm taking time to laugh out loud, because of any of you ever heard Noory's original interview with Irwin, it was blatently obvious that Noory had never heard of him, and was clutching desperately at straws to think of something -- anything to ask Irwin. He seemed like he had caught maybe 15 minutes of a Crocodile Stalker episode shortly before his interview -- only because someone on his staff gave it to him so he would be "prepared" for the "interview". Which was terribly, horribly painful to listen to, because I was just mortified and embarrassed for Irwin, who was trying his best to carry the interview by himself. He seemed like he realized early on that he was speaking to the one person on the planet (other than a handful of Bushmen) who had no idea who The Crocodile Stalker was.)

When he first took over the Coast to Coast, Noory tried desperately to connect with Art Bell's fans and be "part of the gang". So he claimed to love cats - just LOVED him some pussy(sic), and also claimed to have loved animals all his life. However whenever he spoke about animals it became clear he knew virtually nothing about them, and even though he had once owned a black lab, he never seemed like an animal person. I might add that in the last year or so Noory has made some off the cuff comments that imply that he doesn't really like cats much at all. The other night he told his listeners that if they had a cat who was "listening" to the radio while he was on, and had the audacity to be sleeping through his who, that their owner should " kick the cat off of the bed and on the the floor!". He then gave a rather vicious laugh which I found very disturbing. He really seemed to be deriving pleasure from the thought of a cat being hurt. And is his recent wont, he then added, "Kidding! I'm kidding!", but even then his tone was very insincere. He's a sick fuck.

Noory's personality is not that of an animal lover. People who love animals - truly love animals-- tend to be on the selfless and compassionate side. They also tend to have great senses of humor and loving dispositions prone to uncontrollable displays of public affection for anything that touches their hearts. They also tend to be behaviorists, and have a natural proclivity for studying and paying attention to people, animals, plants and things around them in order to better understand them. And they have a natural empathy for all living things.

In other words, the antithesis of the outrageously Egotistical George Noory. Unless it's about Him, a person or animal would be hard pressed to be able to keep his attention for any length of time. In many ways Noory is like an

Asperger Kid

. Some of Noory's fans may poo-poo my allegations by reminding us that he's really into his family and his kids, and he's such a great dad and granddaddy that he insists on spending several months of the year broadcasting from the city of St. Louis, in order to spend more time with his family who lives there.

Look. The ONLY reason he's so into his kids is because they are HIS kids. Meaning that they contain HIS almighty DNA, and are things that HE made and produced. They are just other version of HIMSELF , the only person in the world who he's really, truly enamored of or interested in.

You're now thinking to yourself, "Jesus Christ, Dixie!! are you EVER going to get to the point??".

Ooops. Yeah, sorry. So Noory was amazed that dogs evolved from wolves. He then added, before going into the actual commercial, that, "My dog Casey is not a wolf. She's a Golden Retriever. And a darned neat one, too."

"Neat." That's great. Spoken like a true dog lover. "Darned neat." It struck me he was like a cross between Wally Cleaver and Jeffrey Daumer. And for those of you who still insist he's full of love, life and compassion, and I'm wrong about why he's so into his family? Well, where is that compassion when he leaves that "neat little dog" all alone in St. Louis for the other 8 months a year? What the fuck is that?

The ONLY reason he EVER got interested in dogs at all - at least enough so to where he'd actually choose to be around them in a peripheral fashion- was when Purina One became a sponsor, and he felt the need to "seem credible" to the people he was pitching the product too. Well, one thing led to another, as he claimed to acquire one dog after the next, each time implying (at first, at least), that they were his animals, only to reveal later that he either gave them away, or had bought them for someone else, or what have you. Each one was nothing more than a prop to him. These dogs are all fucking props. Tools. Means to an end. And eventually, after having revealed he wasn't really a dog owner, time after time after time, he FINALLY had to break down and get a legitimate dog of his own - to seem credible.

Meanwhile this poor animal goes for months at a time without seeing it's owner. Frankly, I'd feel more sorry for anybody or any animals who actually HAD to spend a lot of time with Noory, but that's beside the point. All pets, and dogs in particular, need a great deal of interaction with their humans in order to stay psychologically fit. Noory is ruining this poor dog's life just so he can sell a couple more bags of fucking dog food.

He ought to be shot. Fucking prick. We all ought to write letters to Purina and tell them we don't appreciate their company for allowing one of their representatives to knowingly abuse an animal in order to sell their dog food. George Noory doesn't have enough empathy to keep a fucking gold fish mentally healthy.

So there's you "quick one". Shit, man. Do I go on or what????? . I am so, so sorry for harping on this dog thing so much, but being a genuine animal lover, it really drives me insane. Just up the damn wall.

Since most of the commercials Noory does don't show up on the Streamlink playbacks (except for his stupid fucking book), we can't go back & fact check all the lies and fabrications he's come up with on all the dog business, not to mention other ad campaigns It's a tad late now, but still not too late to start taping them on a cassette, I suppose. I dunno if it's worth the effort, But if any of y'all happen to hear a good 'ern, do Dix a favor & jot it down to share with the rest of us in the comments sections, wouldja? Thanks, all!