Friday, May 18, 2007

Nearing The Truth

Ever since shortly before PETA Pal, Pamela Anderson's visit to Noory's studio, we've been noticing a gradual evolution toward The Real Story of Noory and his pets. I believe I mentioned that about a week before her visit with George, he announced that he had finally moved his puppy in St. Louis from a boarding kennel (where it had resided for God knows how long...) to a foster home with real people there to care for and play with it.

Furthermore, little by little, he's beginning to skew his nightly pet owner anecdotes toward his actual role in "his" dog Casey's life. Fairly recently I did hear him slip up and say that he had four dogs -- and he named three of them -- without qualifying that all he really does is provide free dog food for them.

And I should add that we don't even know for sure if he does that, but that is the implication.

At any rate, in tonight's episode he said "I take care of a couple {dogs}". That's still teetering on the edge, but yes, I guess to some degree he does "take care" of them. Partially. By supplying dog food and making sure there is someone around to give it to him while he is 1800+ miles away, 9+ months out of the year.

On May 8th, 2007, he said, "...your pet, your dog, the critter that you adore--that's what my dog Casey is, I think she even remembers me when I come home now! Maybe it's because I feed her Purina One. Typical."

Okay, he admits he's not around much, that's a step in the right direction. But what the fuck makes him qualified to say what is or isn't typical behavior?

And then, appropos of nothing: how many times do we have to hear him say "circle your calendars" before he realizes that makes no sense?

Dale! I need a photoshop of a calendar with a big circle spraypainted around it, stat!!

Give 'im Enough Rope... .... Hell, Just Give 'im A Shoestring!

Heh heh. I hear George Noory is on the rampage again, threatening to sue people who say bad things about him on internet message boards for libel.

I don't think I need to restate that many of the things I post about him here are my opinions and conjectures, but the vast majority of it is just citing stupid shit that comes out of his own mouth that, while not technically libel, are often blatant falsehoods.

Or just plain stupid. Like the below, straight from the Whore'ses Mouth.

from Coast to Coast, May 17, 2007, during the first hour of the show while discussing gas prices with guest Tim Hamilton:

George Noory said, "Everywhere I go I see people pumping gas...." "....women! Truck drivers!! ...."

Really? Everywhere you go? Wow! Just like you always see the time 11:11 wherever you go? Like everytime you're in the airport and you look at a clock, it's always 11:11?? " matter what time it is!! ....Well, not always" (Yeah, you said it.)

I'm just playin' witcha, Georgie. I knew that you meant at all the gas stations you go to or happen to pass by. And that, "my man", that really is worth taking note of!!! Ten, twenty years ago, you almost never saw people pumping gas at gas stations!!

from Coast to Coast, May 16, 2007, 1st 5 minutes of the show:

While reading a news piece about global warming Mr. Noory said, "....shows clear signs that melting had occurred in multiple distinct regions far inland and at high latitudes and evalations" - then he paused for a tenth of a second, softly blurted out, "NO!", as if he were trying to sort out whether or not he had mispoken, and then "corrected himself" by quickly and confidently saying once again, "evalations ....where the melt had been considered un-likely."

For those of you reading who are unable to think on any wavelength other than George Noorys, that should have been elevations. . To be fair to my readers, (except you, George. And why are you here, anyway? Oh right, you're doing "research". ) I don't think any of you really think on his wavelength - you know I love you & wouldn't insult you like that.

What do you think folks? Is he dyslexic? Or just stupid? Or both? If he were dyslexic, it would help to explain a lot of other things about him. A lot of people from his era -- when dyslexia went fairly unrecognized, the dyslexic kids were either placed in remedial classes, or the more devious ones managed to muddle through by faking being able to read. They'd just listen to what others did and try to mimic it well enough to convince their teachers they comprehended the material well enough to get by.

Noory has said more than once that he "speed reads", uses the "Evelyn Wood speed reading technique", and is able to just "pick out the meat of a book" and only read that. Which begs the question, "If he hasn't read the entire book, word for word, how does he know what the actual meat is?"

An additional speculation would be to wonder if he is just using the claim of being able to "speed read" in order to cover up for the fact that he is either A) dyslexic, or B) simply not smart enough to understand English grammar, phonetics and vocabulary.

The latter is something of a chicken and egg quandry: Did his lack of ability to read well result in him being ignorant, or did a naturally low IQ result in his inability to read and comprehend things? Or maybe he's actually a genius, but was always too cocky to feel like he needed to bother with learning to read.

The former might also add fuel to his habit of making things up and saying outlandishly stupid things. Since he's incapable of comprehending printed information, he has to rely on guessing about words, meanings of phrases and entire concepts, saying them boldy out loud as if they're right and true, and letting the chips fall where they may. Either being corrected by a guest or caller, or having them graciously overlook his stupid comments. And sometimes actually getting it right, as with the proverbial blind pig and his acorn.

Ah well. Random ponderings to one of Life's Great Mysteries: "What The Hell is He Thinking?!?" Regardless of the answer to that, we can rest easily tonight, knowing that we need not fear being sued for libel, as his understanding of the word and the concept goes only as deep as his understanding of other words like "synchronicity", "karma" and "charisma".